Now and again (or more like every day) I find myself literally freaking out over something that the boy isn't doing yet. It can be any little thing such as crawling, sitting without support or doing algebra problems. Usually these moments are provoked by me observing another baby in the boy's age group who is in fact doing the activity in question. Let's just get it out there that the boy is not setting any records in terms of reaching his developmental milestones. But he is growing and developing and is completely withing the range of normal according to his pediatrician. So I should stop worrying, right? Wrong. Telling me not to worry is like telling Hollywood starlets to stop having babies just because they are the "in" accessory. It's just not happening. And I don't just worry, no that would be too easy. I get so worked up that my mind is running ragged with crazy doom and gloom scenarios a la : he will never drink from a sippy cup, therefore he will never drink from a regular cup, and he'll be asking for his Chardonnay in a Dr. Brown's bottle on dates. Yes, I am that crazy.
When I just had the boy I used to read all the baby books that tell you what your baby should be doing at the moment. Then I stopped, and not a moment too soon as my husband was packing my bag for the insane asylum. And then I joined a playgroup. A stepford playgroup. With stepford babies who reach all their milestones early AND are always perfectly behaved. The boy, not so much. He screams his head off almost every single time. And of course I am convinced that they must think that I am a terrible mother, completely unqualified to care for a child.
And then there are those people. You know the ones that ask you excitedly if your child is "insert milestone here" yet? And when you say "no, he is not applying to medical school just yet (and yes I would love for the boy to become a doctor, original I am not)" they go all "oh, don't worry he'll get there". Well, if I wasn't worried before, I am now.
It seems that these days if you are not an overachiever, you are an underachiever. And I experienced first hand how mentally draining it is to spend your whole life living up to somebody's expectations. This is not the life that I want for the boy. But I also want him to be the best at everything. So there you have it. I want it all (by the way the number of times I used the word want in this post is truly appalling). It's amazing that being a parent is at once the most selfless and the most selfish thing we do.
